Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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