We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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