I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
