i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
