Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
