i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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