you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
