So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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