I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I believe in your delicious
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
