Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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