she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
