my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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