yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
