I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize