I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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