After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
