HIV tests are more positive than that guy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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