I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
