I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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