i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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