tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
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I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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