I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
