Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
