According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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