Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
