I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
