lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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