Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
