The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
