fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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