Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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