Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
