i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he was CRYING into my vagina
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
