Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
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I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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