I looked at my own cervix.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
is it fun? or sober?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
