I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
