You're completely useless in the revolution.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this beer tastes like vomit already
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You were trust falling into bushes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
