we made out on top of his cat.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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