Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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