it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?