Texts From Last Night

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.

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  (217): i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet. http://tfl.nu/nuvu
  Replies (55) Good night (930) Bad night (3636)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.

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  (404): He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like. http://tfl.nu/89fc
  Replies (40) Good night (431) Bad night (4037) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'

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  (512): And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.' http://tfl.nu/l1oz
  Replies (18) Good night (527) Bad night (3127) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious

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  (214): Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious http://tfl.nu/ofzu
  Replies (31) Good night (6034) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72068) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better

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  (902): Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better http://tfl.nu/2vo6
  Replies (4) Good night (733) Bad night (3637) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  She swung at the pinata with crutches

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  (440): She swung at the pinata with crutches http://tfl.nu/dkgf
  Replies (4) Good night (1705) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.

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  (850): HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM. http://tfl.nu/agqo
  Replies (13) Good night (577) Bad night (2171) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?

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  (417): Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off? http://tfl.nu/54ro
  Replies (4) Good night (546) Bad night (1677) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think

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  (401): in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think http://tfl.nu/ydqs
  Replies (17) Good night (825) Bad night (2042) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."

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  (734): It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE." http://tfl.nu/k46u
  Replies (8) Good night (581) Bad night (1611)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?

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  (520): Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago? http://tfl.nu/8k0d
  Replies (8) Good night (932) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life

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  (907): Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life http://tfl.nu/0u5y
  Replies (2) Good night (1339) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.

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  (978): I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once. http://tfl.nu/s0yn
  Replies (5) Good night (1243) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?

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  (918): He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS? http://tfl.nu/pnaa
  Replies (6) Good night (924) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt

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