we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.