It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
