i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
