If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
