the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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