Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
