Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
