When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We got so high we made milksteak
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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