My balls are so social today.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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