this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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