Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
stop calling my apartment porn island.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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