it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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