walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just invented taco cereal.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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