I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
