do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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