I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
