nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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