For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
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I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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