Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
