evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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