What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
