Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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