If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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